like, omg

A few months ago, I somehow managed to secure the username “god” at formspring.me. I then promptly forgot to attend to the inquiries, and this morning discovered there were 48 of them. I answered each and every one, except the one about how many dicks I can fit in my mouth. I regret that, because “infinity” would have been such an awesome answer. Oh well.

Nobody’s perfect :)

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physicists see Michael Jackson’s face in hardened polymer

Jesus isn’t the only one who occasionally makes an appearance in, erm, alternative media. David Fairhurst, a physicist at Nottingham Trent University in the UK, explains the discovery:

The ugly-looking globular mound is a droplet of polymer solution, the kind of substance you might find in the ink cartridges of your printer. As the solution began to dry, Fairhurst noticed a number of small “spherulites” begin to crystallise on the droplet surface revealing what appears to be a tiny human face.

“I noticed it immediately and showed it to the other guys – we had a really good laugh about it,” Fairhurst told physicsworld.com.

The physicist and his group of PhD students reckon the face looks like a small girl, or possibly even the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.

Fairhurst adds that, after scientific analysis, it might not be the King of Pop after all:

I ran the image through an online face-recognition programme and the names that came out included: Rachel Carson, the American environmentalist; Marlene Dietrich the German-born actress; and (tenuously) Iggy Pop.

Well sure. The resemblance is … um …

Rachel
Rachel
Marlene
Marlene
Iggy
Tenuously, Iggy

clicking embiggens :)

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and now for something completely different

On January 3, a whole lot of funny started happening on the Chromium open source project pages, beginning with a post noting an alarming number of goats teleported. If you are not a programmer or generally geekily inclined, you probably won’t get just how funny this thread is, for example:

“Everyone relax, the goats are teleported from and to the same Google Goat Pool, that’s in closed beta. Soon everyone will be able to teleport in and out every single pool via Google Goat Wave pool. ;) but it always starts in linux.. after all penguins hate all things goat related :D”

“We’ve only got one guy using Chrome here, everyone else uses Firefox and yet the office is still full of these damn goats wandering around all over the place. Anyone got any suggestions how we can blame the problem on Microsoft and ship this lot straight to Redmond !?”

Several weeks into the thread, the most delightful story began to unfold:

“Follow-up to comment 73…our attempts to oust these goats from our office is becoming problematic. Currently, they’re all congregated by the coffee machine discussing what method should be used to elect a union representative. I tried to suggest a secret baa-llot, but they don’t seem to have much of a sense of humour between them and now won’t let me get a coffee.

And we still have more goats coming through – at this rate I estimate goats will outnumber employees sometime over the weekend.

Help !”

In the days that followed, this imaginative individual posted regular updates on the ongoing goat saga in his office, which led a few of us to suggest this needed to be blogged. And viola! thegoatdiaries.com. It’s funny enough that you don’t have to be a programmer to appreciate it, by the way.

Although the subject matter is completely unrelated to my usual topic, I felt delighted enough by this to recommend following this blog, encouraging the writer, and generally enjoying a very inspired bit of goat-related fun.

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LOL, bible

from loldwell.com

Which reminded me, of course, of the LOLCat Bible Translation Project:

Wat Happnz Wen U No Listn to Ceiling Cat

1 Sneeky snaik is sneeky. Teh snaik sed to teh gurl, “‘No eat froot,’ Ceiling Cat says? ‘Or u die,’ Ceiling Cat says?”

2 An teh gurl sed, “We can has froot.3 But we no can has froot frum teh tree in teh middl of teh gardn. Ceiling Cat sez, ‘If u tuch it or nom it, ull die. So pawz off.'”

4 Teh snaik sed, “U wont die frum froot, srsly.5 Ceiling Cat just sed dat cuz teh froot will maek u guyz smart. U guyz wud be ceiling catz, cuz u wud hav morulz!!!11

6 Teh gurl saw teh froot had a flavr, an it lookd yummy. It wud giv her sum morulz, too. So she nom-nom-nomd teh froot. She gaev sum to teh boi, an he nom-nom-nomd teh froot too.7 Then thay got morulz, so it didnt taek too long to figgur owt thay wuz naked. Boi an gurl maded sumfin owt of leevz to keep teh praivits praivit.8 Wen thay heerd Ceiling Cat chasin buttrfliez in teh gardn, thay jumpd in a bush to plai hide-an-seek, xcept thay hopd Ceiling Cat wud frget bout teh “seek” part. He didnt.

9 Ceiling Cat sed, “Boi? Boi?? BOI!!!”

10 Boi sed, “Ohai. I heerd u ovr thare, but ai freekd owt cuz ai wuz naked, so ai hid in teh bush.”

11 Ceiling Cat sed, “Wayt a minit! How did u fynd owt? U didnt eat teh bad froot, did u?”

12 Boi said, “Rmembr teh gurl u mayd for me? Ai onli eated teh froot cuz she gaev it to me.”

13 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, “U did WUT?” Gurl said, “Teh snaik playd durty trik on me, an ai eated teh froot. It taysts gud, but dat not poynt.”

Because after my last post last night, I totally needed to lighten it up a little.

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the temple of hume

Aasif Mandvi and Jon Stewart totally nail it on the issue of poor persecuted christians:

On a more serious note, Jeff Schweitzer over at HuffPo had some observations on conservative christian morality and the facility with which some of its more notable practitioners twist it up:

• South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, a vocally conservative Christian, was caught in a torrid affair with his Argentinean mistress, a crime under his own state’s law, which he is responsible for enforcing. By the high moral standards of South Carolina adultery is a punishable offense defined as “habitual or carnal intercourse with each other without living together as a man and woman when either is lawfully married to some other person.” Sanford has compared himself to King David, and has said that god wants him to remain in office in spite of his civil and moral crimes.

• Nevada Senator John Ensign, another Conservative Christian, had an extensive on-going extramarital affair with a woman on his campaign staff. Ensign is a long-standing member of the Christian men’s ministry called the Promise Keepers. The irony!

• Former U.S. Representative Mark Foley had a yen for male pages, urging one to “get a ruler and measure it for me.” According to ABC News , Foley emailed an invitation to one male page to stay at the congressman’s home all for the low price of oral sex. This is the representative who piously introduced legislation to prevent exploitation of children under the banner of Christianity.

• Ted Haggard was accused of paying male prostitutes for sex while using crystal meth. This is the man who held weekly meetings with President Bush, teaching the president that homosexuality is an abomination. Haggard was at the time the head of the National Association of Evangelicals.

• U.S. Senator Larry Craig infamously was charged with soliciting sex in an airport bathroom. What makes that interesting is his vocal, loud and prominent opposition to gay marriage on the basis of his adherence to “Christian values.”

• Bob Allen, a Republican Congressman in the Florida House of Representatives, was charged with paying an undercover cop $20.00 for the pleasure of offering to the officer oral sex. This act of illicit love is in bright contrast to his active sponsorship of Christian-inspired anti-gay legislation.

• Glen Murphy, Jr., while National Chairman of Young Republicans, allegedly got some young Republicans drunk , and then decided to practice some oral sex on the inebriated up-and-comers on the right.

• Republican State Representative Richard Curtis from Spokane, Washington was involved in a gay sex scandal. Donald Fleischman, Chairman of the Republican Party in Brown County in Green Bay, WI, was ensnared in his own scandal of homosexual yearnings.

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