and so sometimes, i worry

It’s been less than a year since I’ve been “out” as an atheist, and I’m still feeling my way around the world with this new thing that might make people automatically hate me with white-hot fury, and I worry.

For instance: I make websites at my day job for a living, and for fun, and more and more often these days, in my spare time for an extra-good living. Up until now, I’ve basically been handed work by people I knew well, who knew of my work and who did not so much hire me, as ask me if I had time to work on something, so my marketing strategy up until this point has been saying “yes.”

But lately it’s gotten to be more than just that, people telling people who refer me to other people, and at this point it would be quite handy if I had, you know, a portfolio. I haven’t done very much freelancing that I can show off yet (and I don’t feel completely comfortable including sites I’ve done for my employer), but I rock at WordPress, and my other blog and this one are things I’m quite proud to have designed and built on the thematic framework. And if I send anyone to either place, there’s the very real risk that they’ll immediately change their opinion of me from “that web person so-and-so speaks so highly of” to “evil godless baby-jesus-hater” and rush off and hire some hack.

I comfort myself that I don’t really *need* the money, and that (theoretically) I wouldn’t want to work with someone who wouldn’t want to work with me for that reason, which is a pleasant enough attitude, and I suppose it’s one I should embrace with more enthusiasm than I am now. And when it comes right down to it, anyone who knows my main email address (hint: i’m dotlizard at pretty much everything, it’s not hard to stalk me at all) has enough information about me to discover my blatant godlessness, so what’s the problem here, exactly?

As it is, I’ve omitted the sites that directly reference the most blasphemous aspects of my web presence, and thrown in some random videos of fish for good measure at the thing that may become my portfolio site. Oddly enough, I included my Bad Teenage Poetry Written by a Grown-Ass Woman site, so go figure, eh?

I am a forty-nine year old woman with three children and two grandchildren, I should have learned more about how not to give a flying fart in a shitstorm about what people think of me, but then again I’ve never been quite this “out” before.

And so sometimes, I worry.

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